Well i was never friend with the world i lived in. And so i might be writing this cause i was never the poet to be good at putting lines to my reality. Maybe i was too afraid to become part of it or i just hated the things that worked up or fed up to control it. But i don’t want to be remembered as elusive and enigmatic person as they claim, i always wanted some people, my loved one to know how i felt, how i lived. Even though i am the soul that runs away once in awhile, losing all contacts and disappear. And i will always be sorry for who didn’t understand and who cared. I appreciate everyone for coming to my life and gave me the taste of my consciousness. You will all be remembered. It’s just the matter of time that has to go the way it should. Even so learning this i’m still against its pavement to accept it. Cause we are the human that has to go our way in our verse, selfish breed we are. But i was always in love with idea to be filled with sadness. It has the purification of emotions But when it hits, none would be standing; i state that. Guess i am a fool to solicit such. Thing is about loneliness. No matter how mulishly you pretend to thrive in being alone..it never feeds you the comforting breathe. We need always someone to live this chaotic reality. And for some who questioned my camouflage even though i lied. The mask we put on will always be deceiving them and us ourself too for the sake stories that should never awake.
Maybe the naked things are better at hidden. They have the best marks and cuts. I don’t lie i have the wound that will never heal but i am sure i don’t want it be healed. Some memories are addictive like an alcohol. Even though it kneels you to the floor. You need them once in awhile for to forget..for to remember..for to live. Well i never thought i would be caught in such mess, such tragedy i have to make believe myself repeatedly for this character i have to function. There will be time that our soul races to the shore in such speed, such power and such belief we gamble everything for that one desire to be true. And so i did, i gave my best i bet my everything without any hesitation. That was love. She meant everything to me. She was my only world i could run wild and breathe freely. She gave me such support that i wanted to run under seas and tears those dark skies that had imprisoned me for long. And i did all, Nothing could harmed me. Nothing could pierced through me. I was invincible. And thought nothing could go wrong, how can it so? I believed nothing beside her warmth and the picture that stayed for short. I thought from all those bittersweet experience i knew everything of these emotions and play but i guess i was wrong. The world that i thought that has no leak had drowned infront of me. And suddenly from all the sides the flood came and keep on drifting me. Then everything seem to disappoint me after love, my luck and my life. It just piled up higher and higher. I could never say stop ..”why now, why everything at one time. My world just left me. Why the hurricane now. Why there is thunder after all those rain” But i could never complain. Cause after her, my conscious left. What’s wrong and what’s right i still cant figure out. Is this supposed to be real, why can’t i come to sense. The reality seems just like a nightmare, nightmare i can’t control. I feel nothing but pain and suffering but how irony must it go.. i can’t scream, i can’t be real. The devil they called should wear mask and laugh and do what other thoughts puts him too. It’s just you never know the another turn second, you shouldn’t be so sure, ya i shouldn’t have. I should have lived every moment and every little greet. Such blinds we will be when the thing that we ever need will be with us, we seem to waste. I regret messing things up. i regret dissipating her worth. Without her life seems over. It’s such a shame i have to live another day without her. No happiness excites me anymore. No luxury can pleasure me now. No life will be lived ..mine now. I grew the hate for this world, i grew the hate for the human in me and around. Society already has my curse. I now find myself and explore in the wild. In the wild of the nature ..the nature to contemplate my memory. The memory that has you now.
And this note shall never be designed into words of sound from me. Here this will be every laid in letter and unknown in pages. Love isn’t worth for gamble!